Transmigrating

By Sheila J Sadr

If we are all connected
If all our bodies were the same
If energy is really not created
or destroyed

just
transformed

I wonder
How many lives I’ve been a tyrant
How many children have I brought into the world
I wonder how many times have I starved
My belly aching in the acid of life or death

I wonder
How many nurses I’ve become
How many guns have laid asleep in my arms
I wonder of schools I have been to
and if they taught me well
I wonder how many mouths have I fed
and of all the children I’ve raised
How many of them have survived

How many mothers have abandoned me
How many men have I killed
How many bullets have nuzzled themselves
Into my head
Did I do this to myself?

I wonder
If we are all connected
If all our bodies are the same
What countries has mine lived in
How many bodies have pillaged through mine
How many Gods has mine prayed too
Am I a mere participant in this game?

How many lifetimes have I cried or suffered
How many lifetimes have I laughed or lived beyond a day
How many lifetimes did my dreams shatter
Is this why I am so afraid?